New energy source?

While walking past a construction site this morning, listening to the sounds of an old generator churning and moaning, belching thick oily smoke into the morning air, I began runinating upon the nature of the finite supply of fossil fuels that we use to generate electricity. Its an important topic. There is only so much available and we use it constantly. Our society is dependent upon it.

Then I began to wonder, can Baby Boomers be rendered to serve as a new fuel source?

I dont know about the science aspect of this theory or anything, but cant we do something like...say...compress them at a high temperature and somehow get crude oil as an end-product? I mean, I saw an old episode of Superman (with George Reeves, the only real Superman) and he took a piece of coal once and compressed it in the palm of his super-strength endowed hand to make a diamond (it was perfectly cut too, Im not sure how he managed that, but damn, he is Superman after all!). Cant we adapt that technology in some way to aid us in our quest for new fuel sources? There sure are a lot of baby boomers, and a lot of them are old fossils. They should be put to some sort of beneficial use.

Im visualizing here a giant trash compactor, with a diving board or something poised at the top of the mammoth machine, stretched out over a gaping maw of empty space and tempered steel. A line of worthless boomers stand waiting for their turn to step out on the platform and dive in, finally contributing something to the nation besides Viagra and Rogaine ads. With a clench of gears and a hiss of steam (my machine is old-school, boiler powered!) giant steel doors grudgingly creep towards each other from either side. Not entirely unlike the Star Wars "trash compactor" scene, without the lame Lucas humor. Slowly and efficiently the boomers are liquifided by pressure and heat applied externally to the unit. Some sort of scientifico-chemical magic is appied and viola! Oil!

Baby boomers stifle progress...

You know, its because of the baby boomers that a major societal change did not occur. To be honest, thats what really kind of irks me about these people. As more and more households shifted over time from a nuclear family (the Cleavers) to two working parents, single parents or just single individuals free from the stigma of the solitary life, shouldnt our institutions have changed their 9 to 5 mentality? Seriously, how much business do you do other than your job between the hours of 9 to 5. If your scoffing at this notion right now, you may want to shift gears before your next review....personal calls at the workplace are still frowned upon.
So, it seems logical to me that a change towards catering to the needs of the working class should have evolved, but it didnt happen. Did it?

Why I hate contractors...

I cant get a contractor out to my house after 5 o'clock or on the weekends without having to pay double the labor charge. Its also very very difficult for me to get to the dentist or the doctor or work with financial institutions. We are no longer a country that has someone at home during the day to take care of these things, but our small and large businesses havent changed the way they do business.
I just had a contractor ask me today, if he could come out tomorrow morning to finish up work he started 3 weeks ago (I hadnt even heard from him since then!). Im mean, I actually have to work dude. I cant just come and go as I please. What makes him think Im going to just not show up tomorrow because he has blessed me with the gift of his attention?

Why is the US still like this?

Too much Oprah

I have come to believe its because there is a very large generation of people that are now retired or retiring and sit at home most of the day watching Oprah. You know how many boomers there are? Lots I tell ya! More than I would want to count, thats for sure. Guess what? A lot of them dont work any more. They have all day to do whatever they need to do, even though they still choose to clutter up the grocery at 6pm when I have to go. The rest of us are stuck with taking days off work or fighting the crowds on weekends to get our personal errands done. Plus they get paid with our tax dollars (social security...think we'll see any of that action?) to mill around town driving 15 in a 35!

This is my theory at least, or maybe its a hypothesis at this point. Im never sure with these things. Its not based upon facts or anything. But it sounds like a damned fine hypothesis right?

I still hate contractors.

Ha! And just try to get a contractor out and actually work between 9 to 5. Youre lucky if they show up at all the day they are supposed to begin work. Im also tired of hearing "uh, my wifes father is really sick and I cant come back next week." Know how many contractors Ive had whose wive's fathers suddenly climbed up onto their death bed in the middle of a job? Too many for it to be coincidence thats for sure. Im also curious as to how I can get a part from New Zealand to Ohio overnight and they cant seem to get parts in quicker than 3 weeks. Thats a noggin scratcher that one is.
More on the subject of contractors later.

Sexy Katie = Ratings!!!

Oh, you may be wondering why I have pictures of Katie Couric up there. CBS actually digitally altered her press photograph to make her look thinner. Can you believe that? Guess what people? You will most likely gain weight as you age. Get used to it. Your hair will fall out, your need for viagra will increase and your eggs will finally drop no more. Most of you are not pretty to begin with and should have been converted into fuel long ago. Katie was attractive. Too bad she doesnt have any skills or talent to fall back on in her old age. You wanna get viewers using sexy appeal? Imagine Jessica Alba on the evening news. Hell, she can read a teleprompter just as well as K.C. I imagine, and the cleavage is better.
I dont think Katie could be converted into a lot of fuel, she's kind of little. Maybe she could power my chainsaw for a week or so, but that would be pushing it.

Anyway, I think all these people with all this time on their hands should be put to work. The boomers should either be washing my car or sloshing around in my gas tank. I dont care which really.